Will he react the same? Many women become habituated to the hormone regimen and begin ovulating again, even while on the pill. Hes a scumbag and your only choices are (1) say so now and be rid of him, or (2) wait 5 or 10 years and say Why didnt I see this 5 or 10 years ago? By then you may be after him for child support yourself, and good luck with that therell be at least one in line ahead of you every payday. A forty year old man should know that once is all it takes to handcuff himselfto someone for the next 19 years or so. We have no guarantee that the mother will be as good a single parent as those mentioned in this discussion. Please. They are calling him a scum for not taking any responsibility for happened, and they are calling the LW names for acting like her BF is a saint, and had nothing to do with making this baby. reader, kmart+, writes (24 July 2008): A She trapped him? I didnt see that it made sense for him to send a check for MY child when he never had even met her. Birth control isnt full-proof. Its not fair to create a child and then abandon it. Im not saying its a trivial thing, but its nothing compared to birth. Regardless, this guy obviously doesnt seem like anyone you want to be in a relationship with. am . OH MY GOD!! The only thing you need to think about is if you can stay and have a healthy relationship with a man who has a child with another woman and wants to bear minimal responsibility for raising the child. If you and a person you want to sleep with are not on the same page on what should happen in case of accidental pregnancy, dont have sex with them. Quit trying to dig into other peoples wallets to subsidize your lifestyle choices. Dump this creep. Your biological child. Move on. Recently he ended the affair and told this woman to have no further contact. Its always just a hope. Wrap it up or dont serve burgers, thtas the only choice YOU have. He has a requirement to the mother of his child as well. Women have figured that game out, and it sucks. Dont force him to be. It just pays. That was almost two years ago, and we never saw each other, spoke, or texted again. So for someone I love and care deeply about, its enjoyable. And it seems to me that he isnt looking to get back together with you because hell die without you; it seems like hes trying to escape the clutches of responsibility by retreating to what he knows As in, someone who takes no issue with his immaturity and irresponsibility. reader, yelyah77+, writes (16 April 2009): A and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. Your boyfriend is 40 effing years old. The family structure is dynamic and without balance, falls apart. I never grew up thinking there was something wrong with me because my biological father wasnt ready or willing to be a father to me. haha I agree. I Got Another Girl Pregnant Prank *WE BROKE UP SIGH*Hylton's family vlog - https://youtu.be/pV11uGFaESsItz The Taylor's - https://youtu.be/8hVLcR1kvrsSUBSCRI. I wouldnt. And he shouldnt, either. hamster van beethoven Its one thing that he says he will pay for it (Im assuming this means child support), but a true father doesnt just look at this as a once a month payment for 18 years. According to legal abortion theory, only women create children. Is anyone else eagerly anticipating the update to this one? But if YOU really are so fucked up and so pathetic that you want to build a life with a man who for intents are purposes wants to simply abandon his own child have at it. And you cant have conception without sperm. Turns out it wasnt even his kid (thats another story), but she showed up at his work, called him repeatedly in the middle of the night, and physically assaulted his friends girlfriend in a parking lot. I totally understand. This is about a pregnancy thats two weeks in. There is no rhyme or reason. Being on the Pill is akin to saying that youre not interested in having children, so I think its not completely invalid for him to assume she wasnt ready to have children, and to be angry when he ends up being forced into fatherhood. A forty year old man who can be tricked into believing that intercourse, with birth control or not, cannot lead to a baby is an idiot. T he mystery of Tom's sudden baby endured until several years ago when I looked him up on Facebook. A forty-year-old man knows exactly how women get pregnant and how to avoid that if he absolutely doesnt want a baby. Id confirm that hes actually the father. Its not that bad (though Ill take an IUDs 0.6%, thanks). Great, yet another fine example of the sheer brilliance and intellect of more and more heterosexuals in this case, the male whom increasingly seem to have all the knowledge and intellect as to where babies come from as, say, your average comatose five year old. Ever. Let me repeat myself IT IS NOT A LOTTERY WIN. The thought of a child waiting for him at home makes going away so much easier. by Kara Straight May 11, 2018. The crazies on both sides just come crawling out of the woodwork. Any complications from the abortion would be hers to bear, not his. No one knows if adoptive parents end up being fabulous parents. Read the comments. How do you even know that his man was actually, really furious? ha, Ive done too many drugs too. Dudes inner-monologue consists of the word Fuck clouded by that ringing noise you get after leaving a concert. Youre upset that it only took a few months for her to get what youve been waiting for 4 years. Im perfectly happy to share my experience with you! April 10, 2012, 7:38 pm. Relax. He can have an opinion about her but its absurd to be mad at her because they created a baby. Although I cant decide if shes purely a straight-up C.U.N.T. Dr. Sherry, My fianc cheated, we broke up but then got back together. A human being on this earth that is 50% like you. SweetsAndBeats What a laugh. Men dont pay child support during gestation only when there is an actually living child is in the world that has physical needs. If the person who carried the child to term (woman) wants to turn the kid over to adoptive parents to care for it, then the responsibilitys on them. The fact that you are even considering getting back with this guy right now blows my mind. When they were last together, he cheated on her many times and got another girl pregnant. But even though I led you to think I didnt want to become pregnant, Im going to keep the baby and thereby obligate you to two decades of child support, is, while totally within her rights, still a massive breach of the pre-coital understanding, express and implied, between the parties. Those are very different things. That could very well be true I just tried to answer the letter as if whatever the LW said had some truth to it (like that the other woman was having the baby to purposely lure the guy into a relationship with her, etc.) BUT. Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop(Atria Books June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books November 2010; $15). It happens, no matter what precautions are taken, unless you opt out of sex. What a joke. Its not that fucking hard. Most guys will not pass up good sex and they . Well, ok. And the man? Do whats best for you, as difficult as that is. ], Chuck Pelto Move on already, LW. Im a guy, and I think that the BF is a loser scum bag. After 7 months I moved back, but upon moving back he made a confession to me. And is this letter for real? You dont want his problems. Find someone without baggage. You deserve better. AndreaMarie I totally agree with you for reasons you likely already understand. You have the proof he banged her and now they have a child together. Some of the best advice my mom ever gave me way back in the day was Listen. She experiences an allergic reaction and has to be rushed to the hospital. April 9, 2012, 8:29 pm. female Not long-winded just a breath of fresh air and reason after the insanity in that letter. Its not a complex procedure. PS. Seriously, cry me a river you ignorant #**>##!!! The woman also gets to choose to keep the baby if she wants (even against his wishes), and gets the added benefit of forcing an unwitting and unwilling father into servitude for what is completely and totally her choice by your own admission. You dont really get a say in this matter. People are calling the LW names (harsh names to be sure) based on the way she is reacting in this letter. You want to work on your social skills. April 9, 2012, 12:45 pm. April 9, 2012, 3:07 pm. His baby momma, the woman he claims he doesnt love and doesnt want to be with, is threatening to harm herself and the baby if he doesnt be with her. she's a real bitch. If hes being deceived then hes a willing participant. I wouldnt want to hang around to find out. at risk of STDs. bittergaymark Some said he deserved the label because he exposed the LW to STDs. SMDH! Sounds like its coming out of the starting blocks with two strikes against it in the gene pool department. lets_be_honest Why he is scum but a woman who opts for an abortion or adoption isnt its beyond me. April 9, 2012, 1:57 pm. In any event, Im happy to hear what youve shared already! April 10, 2012, 5:54 pm. Why? Out of my 5 closest friends only one isnt a fan. Answer (1 of 60): I would drop kick him out the door. Posted Over 1 Month. If there was a child at conception, abortion would be murder. Tough shit. are you creating multiple accounts to like your own comments? Also I disagree with the logic that if you support legal abortion, then you emphatically deny that men create children. The argument is that Im on birth control. is not the same as I will not get pregnant from this sexual encounter. You know how babies are made. Secondly, as PPs have pointed out, the whole concept of We cant live without one another is f-ed up. It really isnt fair, but that doesnt mean we have to make it more unfair. Its a sad situation when an unplanned pregnancy happens between two individuals that arent committed to each other, let alone two individuals who actively dislike each other. Going through the comments here, right on cue, I already record no less than five times that the boyfriend is called scum or scumbag. Its wrong and its not fair, and thats what should be changed, not the fact that a man who voluntarily engaged in activities that everyone knows could result in pregnancy can *gasp* be sued for child support for a kid he doesnt really want. Theyve both made their choice. He had no more to do with the existence of this child then an architect who only provides half the blueprints has responsibility for the existence of the Pentagon. Im also a longtime lurker who was a little taken aback by all the vitriol aimed at this mans head. in whether or not a child is a result here is what all you men should do at like age 18 or whatever. Second, regardless of what sort of cretin this dude is, the baby mama is no better. ESSENCE.com is part of ESSENCE Communications, Inc. If she is a crappy mom the kid will be used to interfer unless she can find some sucker that wont let her. If your dead-beat ex wants know part that is HIS decision. If a woman has sex with a man she should be prepared for the fact that it could result in her under going a medical proceedure, be it an abortion or childbirth. More like: her: what do you want to do about it? She didnt ask for any help with the other women so why would people be throwing out their opinions on that? =), lets_be_honest Hes furious with the woman for keeping the child. Because the woman in question has to take on being pregnant for 9 months, giving birth, etc. This is when we see rebound relationships. April 9, 2012, 3:44 pm. I think its more like HIV sufferers are more likely to be honest about how they got it because there isnt a societal blind eye for bullshitting about your personal responsibility for ending up in the predicament. No loss there. April 9, 2012, 9:58 am. I know it is hard since you love this guy to see how reprehensible he is. And she doesnt have to be a liar to have been on antibiotics, thus rendering the pill largely ineffective. Just once. She told him she got pregnant on the pill, which I think is a lot of cod wallop. If you were thinking about breaking up with herthe pregnancy might be a trap. Thanks for listening to me. lets_be_honest He can bang the neighbor, the lunch lady, and his friendly neighborhood bartenderwhoever. I dont think a relationship with the other woman will work but at the same time Id run from a man who wants nothing to do with their own child. It's believed to be ineffective because for years people thought there were sperm cells in pre-cum, but that's a myth. I have zero sympathy for for any guy crying about how hes stuck paying for a child he doesnt want. Men are stupid and do stupid things, but so are women. P.S. I dont agree with it, but the beauty of being an American is we both get to have our views. I get what youre saying. Apparently not him, because the LW never says he ordered her to abort. Its frustrating, but until then, there simply isnt much she can do. That is pretty much it. ago. Were also stuck with either A) experiencing an abortion or B) going through a pregnancy. He didn't marry you. I think she is just trying to trap my man, who is untrappable. To clarify, I am NOT living with HIV. Yeah, I believe that means he must be., I believe the definition of an immature asshole is a 40-year-old man who wont own up to his responsibility to be a father to the baby he had equal part in creating.. The outlet revealed that Tristan's third child, a baby boy, is due on December 3 . iseeshiny I cant tell you how many children have grown up thinking something was wrong with THEM because they had a parent who didnt want them.. Senior year of high school, you turn to your boyfriend and say the words hes been dying to hear I think Im ready. He responds with Great, Im totally ready to be a dad anyway. Uh, no, were using protection. No, I know. Add your answer to this question! skyblossom You mean, a man shouldnt be able to decide to throw money at his child, but never once be involved whatsoever in the childs life? April 9, 2012, 12:55 pm, Im sure there are many, many women who would argue that its not all rainbows and butterflies in attaining child support. Always follow your gut and your instincts. Think of the children. In the case where a woman goes to prison because she raped a kid, you can bet theyre going to hit her up for child support too. And most important of all, whats all this talk of ASKING WOMEN to have abortions? And the children are either damned or murdered. So again I think you are making it seem like he treated her like a human being, and talked about this rationally, but really, he was pissed at her for having his baby, threw some money at her, and told her to never come back again. sorry lbh this actually doesnt have anything to do with your comment, i agree with you. I had no idea most women hated it. Do you know how much day care alone is a month? Does that change the situation as all? Flexxie door to door service. Also who goes around talking about how he cant stand the mother of his child? Stop going backwards. It's painful to witness when you're still in love with a person, but one of the most common reasons why a person would jump into a new relationship right after a breakup is to mask the pain of it all. Get over yourself and get over him. Because otherwise, society would, if you could never work again and started collecting welfare, etc. I know you may not have that much faith in women based on your comments (here and on previous posts) but just look at what the women on this page have written. Steve- The law doesnt say theres no child at conception. You and John are both arguing something that nobody else is. And, again, this is common except with those inflicted with social disorders who cant seem to not say exactly what theyre thinking. This dude intends to contribute to the childs life financially, but in no other ways, which seems vastly unfair to the child. He didnt marry you. When he got back together with her, he should have had himself tested for STDs, which hopefully he did. He was not tricked into having sex with her without protection. You say it takes two to make a baby but somehow its only the man that gets labeled an irresponsible dick. I dont know why you dont understand that people think this guy is a scum, because he has said that he is going to be a deadbeat dad, and is pretty much taking no responsibility for what happened. female He should be angry at himself for choosing to take his chances, knowing the possible outcomes. Francine That is how we got our first kid. Dont choose to roll those dice if you cant cope with all of the possible outcomes. Solved. Now? How about if I choose to opt out of THAT? So, she went out, hooked up with someone she knew briefly (which a lot of people do) and accidently got pregnant. Especially the children. He doesnt have to have a relationship with her, but like it or not, if hes a real man, he will be there for HIS child, and even his ex. If youre a man, your time to prevent having a child is when you have sex and decide how to protect yourself. April 10, 2012, 6:28 pm. A month after we broke up, she started a new guy. Its not some windfall for women. Yea, it does sound even more ridiculous today. We decided to get back together as we cant bear life without each other. we are making DW history, here, people!!! And not surprisingly, the name callers are all female. Grow the fuck up! Please do better. April 9, 2012, 9:19 pm, Note I said 99% of PEOPLE in that situation, not women. And now that theres a pregnancy and the options arent his hes furious at the woman he impregnated because it isnt going the way he wants. SpaceySteph Give him another chance. But still. In a feature I call Your Turn, in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, Im presenting the following letter without commentary from me: I told him to stay with her and have this family as I dont want to be any cause for them breaking up, but he told me there was no way he was staying with her because he cant stand her. You are talking as if a decision to terminate a pregnancy is as easy as taking out the garbage, as if there are no consequences to it whatsoever. Again, no. landygirl Also, if the other woman keeps the baby, this is going to provide significant insight into her boyfriends character that will help her make her decision. 2. the guy is not worth you in a relationship. Hes decided on what hes going to do, and it does not involve you. April 10, 2012, 5:46 pm. He does nothing about the situation and when I try to talk about it, we never resolve the issue; he just says Im right but does nothing about it because she continues to do it. And do some growing up before you get involved with someone else. Either way, it sounds like she and this douchenugget guy are made for each other. Fyrebyrd2 Interesting! He cant force her to get an abortion, and she cant force him to be in the kids life. Translation: men should think before they poke but women can do whatever they damn well please. For whatever reason that may be. If a woman wanted to choose to terminate the child, would she be less of a real woman for not stepping up to the responsibility? It takes a man to be a father. The fact that he doesnt means hes no good for either of you. April 10, 2012, 9:47 am. In fact, Im sure you could find a wealth of women who never received support a day in their life. Ok, lets say he has the right to have as much unprotected sex as he wants. So long as he isnt raping people, who are you to say he has no right to have unprotected sex? Rachelgrace53 If the woman wants to have a child, then she can, but thats a decision she makes because its happening in her own body. What do you think happens to the fetus? John Rohan Steve Kellmeyer So, in your opinion, anyone who has sex without wanting to get pregnant is an idiot?. You know, I was thinking about that, too. Im an okder Dude but thats what we used to do. we were truley in love. I think that it does, as most have pointed out, take two people to get pregnant. Mmmhmm, I thought so. You bet. (i.e. The pill doesnt stop ovulation in all women. Its not some big secret that women have that option and that men are legally obligated to provide financially if she exercises that option. reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008): A I hope the LW takes note of the fact that Amandas comment currently has 61 likes. I think both you and JR are twisting this around to make it sound like we dont like the dude because were prudes who dont believe in casual sex, or that were siding with the LW or something, when most of us actually said that we believe that the LW is as scumy as the dude. And the legal system that obligates him was in place when he put himself in this position. And that, fair or not, men do not have the option to compel an abortion or opt out of their financial obligation for any resulting children. She has decided to keep the baby and that is not his choice and CERTAINLY not yours. Frankly, it astounds me more of you dont think its a shockingly cunt-ified thing to do. Its like the universe is all conspiring against us! Oh, really? Temperance It would be nice if he said hed rather not have a kid, but he said that he is not happy that she is pregnant, and asked if she could abort. The guy had sex (presumably) without a condom with a woman that (he at least believed) was on the pill. I dont think anyone thinks hes an ass for having sex with someone after a split. Can you blame me for feeling this way? LOL. Listen, people have sexcasuallyand sometimes with people they never hope to see again. Sleeping with someone so soon after a breakup? April 9, 2012, 12:31 pm. I get owning up to your responsibilities in an unwanted pregnancy, but you cant really think that is going through every non-idiot males mind when he gets ready to have sex. Ive seen malarky thrown around quite a bit in this thread. Well said I was like, is this letter for real? the whole time I was reading it. unfortunately, ive seen more than one person take pills the wrong way (whether it be because they forget, dont take it at exactly the same time, dont pay attention to warnings about drug interactions, etc). Im surprised that so many people here are assuming that just because a guy has sex and gets a girl pregnant, he undergoes an immediate 180* like a Sim changing their clothes and becomes a devoted, excited father-to-be. If you choose to roll those dice against any odds you have yourself to blame if they dont land in your favor. That way you and only YOU get to decide which woman you deign to procreate with. We judge people all the time where our judgment has absolutely no effect on the outcome, we arent participants in the issue and no one gives a crap what we think. But I think shes tried to trap him and hes untrappable.. But the LW could be using selective words to paint him in a certain light, such as replacing upset with furious. So me making it a laid-back scenario is no more absurd than making it a scenario where he a shitty human. Id argue the country is not any better off for it, either. Any advice on this would be appreciated as Im so confused and hurt. I agree that using a condom (even when she was on the Pill) would not have necessarily meant she wouldnt have gotten pregnant.