Your house is on fire, it doesnt matter if you wash the car or not. Maybe hes wrapping that insecurity in fears of what might happen so he doesnt have to address the real issue. I agree with your husband .. Anyway, TL;DR, there can be hope for these situations, despite what the commentariat here may imply. Scheduled calls are a great idea. But leave out the reasons, the excuses, the justifications and the emotions, as far as you can. Im good at what I do and I dont want to be made to feel bad because of it. Seriously, I grew up in Las Vegas. If possible, Id suggest both individual and joint counseling. Or its an indication that they live in a different culture than the one you know. Be bored, and be boring: This is not a debate, this is a fact deal with it but stated calmly, not aggressively. Is this a relationship problem that could be remedied with counseling? Its like he thinks Vegas exists in some parallel universe with different logic and laws of physical, and that upon landing in Vegas all of his wifes usual behavioral norms and all concern for her life beyond Vegas will simply evaporate. If it was possible to take him along I could see that potentially helping if the main issue is wrong information and assumptions. Many commenters are acting as though the husband made up this poll of people (everyone) to agree with him, which is not what she wrote or what happened. Many people we know (work, friends, sometimes family) just cant wrap their head around the fact that we dont need to be joined at the hip 24/7 and that were not jealous. Im surprised that you specify *rural* Saudi Arabia given that Saudi Arabia is one of the least egalitarian countries in the world, with virtually no freedom of religion. By in linseneintopf mit kartoffeln. They live there with partners and children, even! THIS. Hes watched too many college Spring Break movies, right? Maybe so, but I know plenty of people who, as JenB says above, have anxiety and dont express it in toxic and gendered ways that were really talking about two problems. I was thinking as I read the description, this sounds like its coming from someone who has never been on a business trip before (and re: the kidnapping, someone whos watched too many movies). He was there for a conference, and she was there for a bachelorette party. Flying might be easier. If this resonates with you, OP, about your husbands behavior, something important to know is that there is no appeasing this line of thinking. A difficult or stressful situation with in-laws can cause undue stress and anxiety, making you feel rejected and undervalued. Unsurprisingly, this is a hard concept for controlling people to grasp; What do you mean, one person can unilaterally end a relationship with no input from the other person? But it is a common business trip destination for the reasons others have noted and certainly poses no danger to anyone with common sense. When I was fretting over whether to pursue a fantastic opportunity that would require a good amount of travel, he told me, Youve worked too hard to get where you are to not take ANY opportunity you want to take. And he means it. . Omg that sounds so much like my mom. I deal with these irrational fears with a sort of ritual where I always leave people I love on a positive note and let them know how much I love them, since the thought is always running through my head that I may never see them again. Ive stayed in beautiful NYC and D.C. hotels for less than $130 a night. I think its not up to any of us to determine what OPs husbands major glitch is. Roller coasters! At the time, we had 3 kids and they were around 5, 3, and 18 months. What happens in Vegas was a successful ad campaign that ran its course a long time ago, not a requirement for how to treat the trip. Business trips for him are salt in a wound, Im guessing. Right!? I really hate the bad rap Vegas gets. That doesnt strike me as weird at all. Pressuring/guilting him into not going? Ifyoure feeling left out, that means something iswrong. If I wanted to put on pants and walk across the casino I would just eat at a casino floor restaurant instead of ordering deliverywhich Im sure explains their policy more than security concerns! Especially as she is the primary breadwinner, shes got to be allowed to do her jobeven if it means travelling to Vegas. I really dont recommend this course of action. And the shopping! I dont much care for Vegas. *offers you an internet hug*. Probably he is a reasonable person, perhaps he has an anxiety problem. But if theyre just attending as a participant, they wont be working 20 hours a day. But thats true everywhere, and you can easily avoid said trouble by, you know, not doing something stupid. This happens to me at the worst times, like when Im walking home in the evening or when Im doing chores alone around the house I get this feeling like im starting in the opening sequence of whatever creepy procedural I was watching. Like fposte said the husband would only mention his friends opinions if it supported his own. Couples counseling is also useful for people with issues that make them disposed to try to please and/or look from approval from their therapist. I used the work on policy areas around crime, and in the UK, people places with low crime rates have a much higher fear of crime than people from high crime areas. Honestly, things could happen anywhere, so his questioning that the trip is in Vegas sounds like a cover. He doesnt have friends. Not from the letter and not from the follow ups. One of my best friends took his family (2 very young children) to Vegas, and they had a great time. It was still broad daylight, and I was with a group of fellow students. Your absence is the absence of any possible reward for his behaviour. Hyperbole and feigned hysteria are not the same thing. But they LOVE the idea of going there and want you to have lots of fun! You bet a quarter, watch and yell at the fake horses running around in a circle, bet another quarter, repeat. If its an issue that they dont trust OP, that probably needs counseling. I worry about things constantly. So were you on the east or west side of the Hellmouth? Just because people traveling for pleasure to Las Vegas give the impression that its a place to go wild, thats not what a work retreat/meeting is going to be like in any way. Does he worry about you when you go shopping alone, or when you work late at the office? Are you ok with dealing with his overexagerations, accusations, and paranoia whenever you go for a trip by yourself or is it starting to get on your nerves. I might also take your friends statement a step further, and point out that hes the one making your marriage adversarial. Not sure which update youre looking atshe says she meant wouldnt in that sentence, which means exactly what Coffee Lover is saying. She Won't Tell Her Husband the Gender of Their Baby Because He Refused A relationship problem is not necessarily a problem where both people in the relationship are doing something wrong, but a problem that affects the relationship. Because my husband trusts me. Some things are objectively controlling behaviours though. The best parts of Vegas arent actually in town. She doesnt like it when I had lied to her but its alright to lie to me and Im not welcome to come along and stay in a another hotel. Id be wondering if it isnt time to reconsider the marriage. .Im pretty sure my m-in-l would do that. Sometimes its hard to realize that the smaller part of an issue youre focusing on is actually part of something bigger, and you need someone else to alert you to that. You should protect your son! I should also note. Normal For Husband to Vacation Without Me? - FatherResource And while anxiety is common, abuse is even more so. This is more his problem than yours. The threading makes it a little unclear, but thats not the part under discussion: Top-Level Comment: If a person has surrounded themselves with a bunch of people that thinks its normal for one spouse to tell the other what they are/arent allowed to do, thats a beyond red flag., Response: Or its an indication that they live in a different culture than the one you know.. I strongly suspect it is not actually about Vegas, but perhaps a trip full of family friendly activities there could solve his issue if it is, in fact, about Vegas. The place is set up for meetings and conferences, has so many airline and flight options, plenty of cabs/Lyfts/Ubers, and staff at the facilities has run into every possible issue that can crop up. Youve gone before and nothing happened, so why is he still freaking out about it? And theres more but I here these comments and the whole story wasnt told. The timelines even fit perfectly. So theyre officially still working there. He also accused her of sleeping with her boss constantly. Is it indulging in a pleasurable vice? Other than me being bored out of my skull, nothing happened! I only want to know if hes going to be out so that Im not expecting him and can therefore do something else. Last year when she went not only did I work my 2 jobs but I tiled our laundry room to stay busy and keep my mind on things. Not because I felt unsafe (though I kind of did, but I could remind myself that was because of CSI and not because of logic) but mostly because it was also not clean enough for my standards and the savings werent worth it the amount of time I spent trying to get places. Im handling it by biting the dog that bit me and hes not happy. My company had an annual meeting in Vegas a few years ago, that I wasnt important enough to attend, and I was crazy jealous. You just reminded me that a lot of Mormon fundamentalist families live in the suburbs of Vegas because people dont bother polygamist families out there like they do in Utah. Well, yeah, it has a bad rep, that they intentionally, though jokingly, promote with the What happens in Vegas and Sin City marketing campaigns. should I tell my coworker about our colleagues criminal record, I deeply regret joining my companys leadership program, and more, my company is cutting my overworked teams pay as punishment for mistakes. Eating a meal? My mother too. $60/night + $30/night resort fee, and $30 worth of groceries for the week kept me out of the pricey restaurants. If he refuses because everyone who goes to Vegas becomes adulterous instantly and HE doesnt want that to happen to HIM then you have a completely different issue from he refuses to let her go at all because He Said So. It does sound like some type of anxiety as these worries are extreme. Conversely, if he came home with the same news, my response would be, Thats great! My mom too! All of us can comment all we want about how innocuous this trip is, and how much of an overreaction this is, but it doesnt change the facts from where youre sitting. Hmm Shes probably going to cheat on me in Vegas because thats what people do in VegasWait I cant say that, of course shes going to deny ithmm, what else can I say to convince her to stay Kidnapping! The place smells like cigarette smoke. I wonder if OPs husband has watched too much CSI? Since its also a town that does very well at marketing itself as a destination for conferences (their facilities and amenities are really good, and I imagine their pricing is great because of demand is high enough to keep them low) then it makes sense that your work is choosing it as a place to send the managers since it sounds like an out of town conference is generally a thing they need to do. Yes, this. Vegas does business trips right. What about yourself? Don't exhaust yourselves. From the outside, his train of thought is totally irrational. If you find that it seems like your husband is starting to use the counselors words against you to get you to do what he wants, then leave counseling. Exactly this. Also, if youre like me and my Mother, your emotional reactions could spiral his emotions up, until youre making each other worse. Husband used to do this to me every time I drove anywhere in the winter. I understand everyones points of view completely, just a couple questions and I apologize if theyve already been asked and answered 1) but is it possible that he go too 2) my spouse travels monthly, I hate it. It doesnt mean you dont love him, and it doesnt mean either of you are bad people.