I am married and my husband is supportive but our relationship was already on the edge before my brothers suicide. There is NO consolation for this. I never really gave her my time or love or respect, though. If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence. Be kind to everyone, even if they seem happy, because you never know what a person is going thru behind closed doors. I dont have the energy. Ive been devastated. My name is Houston and I am from Jackson Ms. 3 years ago my brother and I left are cousins weddings and headed home. Im not ready to accept that my sweet, respectful, loving, intelligent son would go and do something like this. It wasnt him, it was the illness! It's just hard to accept it all. Ellie October 11, 2016 at 1:22 pm Reply. Another year's remembrance over, but the memories . Here's a closer look at the incident, the case and what followed afterwards: The murder. I feel partially responsible because even though i knew he was sick I said some nasty things to him. We couldnt see his pictures,walking in his room for 8 months and still cannot touch his staff,make will wait till we can. My brother hung himself april 6, 2019. (We live with our mother due to his past alcohol addiction) He had a new girlfriend since 4 years and we really thought he was doing better. Rachel Flaherty June 3, 2016 at 10:26 am Reply. Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. It seems the society is brainwashed into believing that getting back someone from death is worse than the person dying. You may feel like you should feel sadder. Updated. They are likely just looking for someone to blame to make their own grief easier. This was not his first suicide attempt, but . Even in elementary school, she had deep cuts in her wrists. Youre strong for deciding to live your life finally, and dont let anyones judgment of that affect you. I think the way I feel is wrong because of the fact that she was involved, but I will not deny the strong feelings I felt for this woman. All of these unanswered questions. It took all my siblings to hold her up and keep her from tugging on him. Jeff had attempted suicide multiple times since 2014. . I dream I hug her and tell her I miss her. I don't want this to happen to anyone else Coping with the loss of a loved one, especially when they fall prey to suicide, is one of the most difficult things to endure. IsabelleS January 13, 2021 at 12:28 pm Reply. My heart goes out to you but you have so much to offer the living so please dont give up, dear friend. Wouldnt it b great t hv faith an believe u will see ur loved one again. Before she turned fourteen she was a happy baby and a delightful child. He was an inspiration. But I will NEVER have that unless I create it myself starting with me. Your life is precious. He had told me that he had thought about suicide before, I got him an appointment with a physician who gave him antidepressant medications. My ex boyfriend killed himself July 29, 2019. I didnt say anything, he didnt know I was awake, when he did not come back to bed I got up, dressed etc. It definitely helps to read posts and know that Im not alone in what Im experiencing. His body was found and it was discovered hed overdosed. Divorced for about 9 years she had re-married 6 years ago. He was 37 years old. I cant make it right ever. I know what its like. Katie, omg your words are so true with what Im going through right now. If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy. It was more than just a young love as some people might say. However, what concerning the conclusion? Don't shut yourself away, you need to deal with this, in whatever way feels right. have tried to reach out to my BFFs husband and daughters to give my condolences but cant seem to find them home and dont have their phone numbers. We all cant imagine life without her. They told us they could see he had suffered at least 12 stroked since being put on the ventilator. Meet Raashi, who channeled the grief of her brother's suicide into a mission to make Indians more about mental health afflictions. His note said life hurt too much. I know that no one can help me feel better but myself. I want you to know that your pain is completely normal and okay. I dont know what that means. Cookie Notice Youre in my prayers I hope you find your son. I feel so sorry for you. Nothing has been the same since, we text the night before and I noticed he seemed off, but rather than say anything or question it, I went to bed. I choose to say he made a unimaginable choice he was in perpetual pain. For this reason, organizations like the World Health Organization, National Institute for Mental Health, American Association for Suicidology, American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, and countless others have been working to shift suicide-related terminology. Hang in there sweet heart. I remember the day specifically because it was also the day that I told him that I had filed for divorce and he needed to pick up the paperwork from my attorneys office. I plan on shouting it from the roof tops to spread the word about Medical students & Physcians suicides. My only sibling. The holidays are hard regardless after a loss, and I am sure this is only further complicated by the fact that it is the anniversary of when he took his life. She had told me she had been up in the loft earlier but I had no thought that she had been up there making a thing out of her dogs lease to do this nightmare thing. I bought books about it none really help. We HATED coming to work. He says he so far away in heaven. One night I went over and we had a LOT to drink. I remember that before he became our flight chief, moral was so low. He would have been 52 on October 31. My second piece of advice, when you are ready, is to find a Suicide Survivor group in your area. (My dad hated being cold) We got him a camp bandana to cover the gauze. But then I realize he already knew that. He was the most important person in my life, Ive never been more myself with anyone, and so everything we shared is put into question now. Neither of them have jobs. My dear Friend, I met her through her bf, ( he was new to the area and one day we started talking and ended up going to his where I met HER.. and smoked pot together.) The first time she tried, he threatened to . I have so many whys so many things I need answers to. He lost his family in the span of 3 months after a very grueling year of watching his daughter die horribly from cancer. It was after a couple of months of his manic episode that was more intense than ever. In fact if I hadnt been looking for the most painless way to commit suicide Id have never found you at all. What I shouldnt have done. Did he plan this? When I was about 4 my house was being worked on by a family friend and one of the workers always brought his son who was about ten at the time. Suicide leaves a terrible injury on those left behind. IsabelleS November 27, 2020 at 11:14 am Reply. and Ill never forget those eyes staring back at me and informing me shed shot herself in the head and was dead. My daughter in law was in her car and I was told to pull over and when I said who I was I was told he had died. Please reach out to someone for help. I lost my big sister. when I pulled in the ambulance was wheeling her in. And Im imagining what a beautiful love we had, and how we should have been together. In the 80s depression was not understood like it is now. He sent a picture of a man with a gun. Maybe heart attack. After any death, mourners mayfeel like theyre losing it; and traumatic loss often exacerbates these feelings. YES there is a stigma to suicide . Ive never seen him upset or sad even. My idol. Please never take a moment with your parents for granted, because I did, and I have so much regret right now. He didnt call me. Question why it happened until you no longer need to know why or until you are satisfied with partial answers. I had no idea he was depressed. Its such a tragic event and for everyone who loved her.such a loss, very cruel for her husband, and daughter, who she shared custody with her ex husband. I am sad knowing that he misses the new songs and movies of our current time, but there is nothing I can to about that, other than to enjoy these worldly things for him. To me, he was a lot like your friend- an older brother, a very young man who brought light into this world. No amount of words can express how deeply wounded I feel . There is strength in surviving loss. I am now divorced. Were so close and the thought of her suffering because of my dying in that type of way keeps me alive. I prayed every day and asked God for his guidance and direction to help me go further into life. On January 2nd my twin flame made the choice to take her life. A year later my husband died of heart attack and my other brother went to prison for drugs he started using after my baby brothers death. You did the best you could. Sabrena January 13, 2018 at 12:14 am Reply, Hello Sky? I found him and struggle daily. On 1/3/2023, she left the house, seemingly normal, to go to a therapist appointment. I promise things WILL get better. We looked all over,in the garage and all over the house. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain you are going through. But he kept refusing. I will say this, seeking out a life coach was the best thing I could have done for myself. Answer (1 of 6): I cried um I thought of all of our memories good and bad and I am going through depression and I didn't know how to react I was just shocked and cried and I miss him and I kept thinking why would he do that and he would be graduation this year. I know it sounds bad, but I am 41 years old, and have the rest of my life to continue living. I could not believe it that after 30 yrs i found an assignment he wrote that Ive never seen before where he detailed his mental health in the years before. I understand that you feel guilty about your husbands suicide This is so normal. He was never properly diagnosed for 8 years as he would never follow through with treatment. Nathan A. McAtee, 18, is charged with first-degree felony aggravated murder in the fatal . Ive been on an emotional rollercoaster ever since. He wasnt in the house and the dog was shaking. I feel defeated I feel like I have lost something irreplaceable and Im scared to live this lofe without him but feel what you feel. This was her death. Imagine that in the first few hours of finding out your son is dead being offered money. I had some good reasons. Im a die-hard football fan (raiders nfl and wolverines NCAA). All the best. I felt so guilty that I wanted to kill myself immediately, but I didnt want to inflict on my elderly parents the agony that I felt. Still am physically ill when I cant get my head around his suicide. I pushed her away to protect myself and the guilt is overwhelming. Theres no one there. I see every wrong move I made that led to him doing it. The anger problems started after an accident where he suffered a head injury. I guess she didnt read the part where I offered to let him be done paying alimony. Still cant get my head round it. Groups help when youre ready I think. Aaron M October 9, 2019 at 7:23 pm Reply. I was shaking all over couldnt breath I was angry and so upset all at once and I didnt even know what happened. But at the same time I dont know how if I have myself considered in dying because life is overwhelming me. My heart Stopped the moment i seen the gun right before i put it to his head. He is with you everywhere you are, Liz, and everywhere you go. Life can be so cruel. I looked at his computer afterwards and found nothing out of the ordinary. My brother killed himself when I was 12. My mom couldnt do itso I had to have a conversation.you never want to have with your mother. Please know that, no matter what, you are not alone. Thank you, kind strangers, for showing me a little glimpse of the compassionate side of Reddit. Its never easy and it changes not only your life, but soul forever. My daughter Nikki chose to leave this world sometime between January 2nd and January 6th 2019. Luke, I hope you enjoyed your first birthday up there. Thank you for taking the time to read this and for any for any advice I can get. Every night I think about everything that I got to see and feel and love, and then remember that hes not here.