If your boyfriend broke up with you because hes depressed or unhappy, you can be certain he didnt make a quick decision. Why Are My Exs Friends Contacting Me And Being So Nice To Me? I would like to connect and talk about it maybe we could help each other, Im going through it right now. I am in no contact, its been 2 weeks. If your boyfriend broke up with you because of your depression, all I can tell you is that you deserve better. Why Did My Ex Unfriend Me But Not Block Me? Healthy dumpers tend to make excuses, blame their ex, or just explain why things happened the way they did. With proper communication you will be able to understand the true nature of your partners mental illness thereby helping him in getting a proper cure. Surely, they wouldnt want someone to do the same to them when theyre struggling. On Sunday he was still texting me hearts So now Im sad and confused. Tell him how his behaviors are affecting the relationship and most importantly ruining your mental condition. They no more experience any feelings and emotions, nor do they realize how important you are in his life. He has not responded to any of my texts or phone messages. During extensive heated anger prone interactions, try to keep your cool. You'll get health news, advice, and inspiration delivered right to your inbox. Does he appear sad and depressed after the breakup? Lets reverse roles for a minute. He may not necessarily come back to you for love because he might not let go of old perceptions of you. Ill work and focus on myself in the meantime, and will accompany her through this dark tunnel, whether it is as her best friend or her boyfriend, ill always be there for her and want her to be happy. Things between us were still the same as before, we were still loving each other and being happy, but i could tell that it was also slowly changing and getting different, and that she was changing too. Child Health; Heart Health . Meaning, if you got depressed maybe your reaction would have been to reach out to him more, for comfort while his reaction is to withdraw. Its not you, its me is an excuse dumpers use to prevent dumpees from blaming them for the breakup and making things difficult for them. But if hes avoiding people, blaming himself, and missing out on sleep, then hes likely dealing with the real deal and needs a lot of understanding. I told him I will wait for him while he works things out. I was not a perfect stepmother and it ruined his love. Our last night together was great. Im going through the same thing. We almost broke up in July but decided to try to work on things. She decided to break up because she doesnt want to keep being with me while she cant love me to the fullest, and hoping she wont keep feeling this way and wont hurt me while going through everything else that is going on in her stressful daily life. They can try to make you feel insecure about yourself and the relationship, and with that, the relationship might become co-dependent. The article then gets reviewed by a more senior editorial member. I met him online and things moved pretty fast, he was very loving and always calling me and texting me. During the month of September I noticed there had been something off with him, he wasn't putting in effort to talk to me, see me etc. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. She already was a bit depressed before this, as she has a really difficult background and childhood. How did things evolve for you both ? Following all the above advice, you may be able to treat the root cause of your breakup i.e. In these situations, a talk therapist can be great. I know that he suffered with depression when he was a teenager, and with the stress of his new job he started to withdraw from activities and pastimes he once loved. Depression sometimes puts additional weight on a relationship and makes the couple struggle to stay emotionally connected. A relationship may be affected in many ways if one of the partners has some mental disorder. He proceeded to hang out with his friends and cancelled on my twice in a weekend even the make-up plans he made. hello, im going through something similar. By no means does this happen all the time as many relationships work even when both people in the relationship are depressed. We've been going out over 5 years and hasn't seemed himself the past few months and then we were together and he suddenly broke down and told me he has developed anxiety and could be depressed and thinks we need to break up so can can be by himself too. Refresh the page, check Medium 's site status, or. The thing about depressed guys though is that they dont have much if any energy left to work on themselves. This understanding does not help me to fill the hole in my heart though, so sad. He told me he was getting better when I asked him if his new meds were workingwhy doesn't he think we can work as a team and get through this, if I have made it clear that I'm more than willing? In my case my ex associated me with negative memories relating to issues with his son. Before you seek help from a mental health professional, try to understand what your partner is going through. Along with that, the article explained how a person can cope with a breakup. I spoke about this to his psychiatrist as well as his parents. Genetic inheritance may be a cause behind your partners depression which he has not got any control over. I know from reading the articles that his decision to leave wasnt just impulsive and despite his reasons for leaving being that he doesnt love me anymore or see a future I believe its down to depression. But if he is unavailable to do so, it might be hard to not take it personally, or accept the breakup. Distance yourself from him physically and leave him alone emotionally. We had planned our future together, about getting an apartment and maybe having kids. At first, we were just casually talking, learning about each others, spending time together everyday, for quite a while and so we basically were friend, best friends. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. One day, youre helping your boyfriend with his stressors, and the next, he no longer appreciates your help and wants to be in a relationship. I was sad for him and sad for us. As depression encompasses lack of hope and anhedonia, you should try to provide him hope, faith and commitment along with warmth and love. We really loved each other from the bottom of our heart, and it would only become and grow more and more as days passed. This can make it hard for them to be around people, even if the person, their partner in that matter, is supportive and understanding. In a study, full and half siblings at high risk for major depression, were compared with individuals raised in their home environment, those reared in adoptive homes (homes selected in Sweden for their high-quality rearing environment) had a significantly reduced risk for major depression. To me, it feels like everything accelerated so fast and I dont understand where his feelings went. https://www.healthcentral.com/amp/article/depressed-boyfriend-broke-feels-needs-alone-how-show-together, My boyfriend is depressed and broke up with me (+ Understanding what happens), Excessive crying or inability to cry even when they want to. 3 days ago my boyfriend of 5 months broke up with me. We had a great relationship so I thought. He asked me not to go to his house. We are going to look for counseling and a proper therapy with proper psychologists that can give her proper help and medications, and after that ill let her be and give her the space and time she needs, while still being there for her at any time and whenever she needs me. if your girlfriend is depressed, she probably may feel worthless about herself. Boyfriend mention to me he didnt want to go to see his granddaughter because he didnt have the energy. You shouldnt feel too bad and think that hes secretly looking for you to care about him and help him. They want him to act a certain way even though hes dealing with a lot of problems at the same time and cant act the way they want him to act. Over the phone, he broke up with me. They prefer to be on their own because that way, they feel the safest. I found this method quite useful to minimise the chance of my mind filled up by the same thoughts all the time it helped me to be less confused, and could progress even though the pain would take a long time to heal. He probably wants to distract himself so he doesnt see any reminders of you. Im scared he will move on from me during no contact & thatll be the end of our story for good. Everything started to go downhill starting January 2021. Rationally I knew the breakup was a good decision as it shocked me to realise at the same time I was also experiencing a level of depression due to parents being unwell I never asked for support from him, and felt constantly annoyed as I let his problem take the centre stage. The first thing to do is to remember that not all relationships are perfect. I never asked him not to be her friend just not to bring her up because it brought back a lot of trauma for me. I would come to the USA, she would come to France, and vice versa. When your partner is suffering from depression, he or she does not have a control that could be exercised voluntarily to stop the symptoms. There's also a good blog, called Storied Mind, that has a lot of postings from people in the same spot you're in. I want him back, but I also dont want to throw anymore good time after bad. This came as a complete shock to me because because he talked to his mother about the divorce we were perfectly fine. Staying One Step Ahead of UC. Recently, his mother called him up and was very upset that his dad wanted to finalize the divorce with his mother and ever since then he has been distant and all. Because they have problems, they often look for negatives in others and by doing so, ruin their own relationships. Thats why depressed dumpers dont go into detail too much. He cant be because someone who leaves when youre struggling emotionally is in the relationship only for the good times. And that it was never my fault at all or anything Im doing. When he finally decides to break up, understandably many feelings will arise. Instead of learning more about depression and the way it can destroy commitment in the relationship, he acted on his negative feelings and pushed you away. When he broke up with me, he told me he couldn't be in a relationship right now and that he needed to be alone to figure his head out. You need to. Even if you cannot stay with your partner, please help them get proper treatment and medication. My boyfriend is suffering from depression and he has been in a really bad mood lately saying how nobody cares about him and how life is pointless and meaningless and things like that and he just broke up with me a couple of hours ago. Do you think its the depression and anxiety talking as to why he broke up with me? Thank you for sharing your story. At some point, he started thinking If I break up with my girlfriend, I can finally start focusing on myself instead of having to worry about her problems. 1 Feb 20, 2017 #1 My boyfriend of almost 4 years broke up with me about 4 weeks ago. Which didnt get better. Manage Settings So if youre wondering why your boyfriend broke up with you because of depression, heres the answer youre looking for. Its in your boyfriends nature to isolate himself and wallow in depression. Then we got really close, and our feelings grew stronger and we decided to take it a step further and be in couple. I love him too much to watch him move on with someone else, that want him to be happy but I cant watch it. There are many types of depression, but we wont talk about all of them today. You must understand that a depressed boyfriend will break up with you when he thinks that the breakup will help him feel better. I am so torn right nowalthough we have only been together for a short time (four months), what we had was real. Is it possible hell come back to me when hes feeling ready? A bad one, too. I Feel Depressed Since My Partner Broke Up With Me Going through a breakup can be challenging, and you may feel many intense emotions when your partner leaves you. I miss him with everything I have and just a week ago I was so happy and now it all feels so bad, Im going through the exact same thing. Weeks go by and the pain hasnt gotten any better. While hes doing that, its best that you stay away from him and give him the space he needs. Depression can lead to other problems, agrees Constance Ahrons, PhD, professor emeritus of sociology at the University of Southern California, Los Angeles, and an author and speaker based in San Diego who has researched and written about divorce. Fight the illness together. And that he can't be happy with someone when he's not happy with himself and that he feels like he's changed. He also said he doesnt want to be friends or see me frequently because thatll just make moving on harder for him. I gave him everything and got very little in return. To him, the relationship became suffocating and tedious, so he thought he needed to get rid of as many stressors as he could. We've been broken up for just about a month and not a day goes by where he isn't on my mind. Hi there. Ever since I found out about this, Ive been more understanding of his issues & whenever I ask how hes doing, he doesnt like sharing his thoughts or concerns regarding his depression with anyone (not even family). Salsa234 . I understand that sometimes depression can change the dynamics of a romantic relationship. A condition in and of itself is not a reason to . We would talk and he said his son had noticed a change in him of not being happy as usual. And he cant adult right now. Shes going through a really really hard time and that affected how she felt about a lot of things in her life. I am still grieving right now and will share my story. Does he still talk to you or at least try to. Lack of energy and anhedonia is another critical symptom that cannot be overlooked. Theres no guarantee that your ex will come back after hes dealt with depression, but if he starts dating again and gets hurt (or gets hurt in some other way), he could seek solace in you and try to obtain your validation. Be respectful, genuine, and careful. I had a traumatic run in with my ex abusive parenter and needed him. My emotions at present are like an R rated version of a Magic Eight Ball in the hands of an over-caffeinated child. If your partner is reluctant to communicate, please do not force him. Many people are familiar with the five stages of griefdenial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. He could come back after hes overcome depression but dont count on it. We love each other & I was honestly shocked when he blindsided me with a breakup. Dont let yourself get caught up in their diagnosis, enjoy the relationship as you would with any other one. Thats because he may not let go of the negative thoughts and emotions he associated with you. You can find a therapist at BetterHelp who can help you learn how to cope and address it.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[580,400],'psychreel_com-medrectangle-4','ezslot_3',106,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-medrectangle-4-0'); In case you are new to all this, lets understand a little about what depression is. He also said that the breakup was something he had not thought about earlier, but since a few days only. He could never out me first, no matter how much I gave I got nothing in return. You can't wait around forever, but what you can do is try to live your life well and if things turn around, great - if not, you've still got your life. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the. Share your thoughts below. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'psychreel_com-leader-1','ezslot_7',110,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-leader-1-0'); If you feel, after the breakup, there is still some space and desire to reconnect, especially if all this is new to you, communicating with them, trying to understand how they feel, and maybe being by their side in looking for help can be a good way to rekindle the relationship. Take care! I am quite confused and im unsure what to do, how to feel, how to react, so writing it down ease my mind. And to think that this man was so in love with me just a month ago..i just feel like i don't know what to do or where we stand. Always remember that people who care about you will stay in your life and come to your aid. We still see each other because of an organization we're both apart of btw. As a result I continued to stay isolated from most people and could be a weight on his shoulder. We have not spoken in two weeks. My boyfriend with anxiety suddenly breaks up with me Bipolar boyfriend broke up with me and I'm having trouble coping. and would complain about everything in his life. Despite the timezone and our distance, it didnt even felt like we were in different countries. Is he dating anyone or talking to other women? Depression is such a condition which can seriously affect interpersonal relationships. Insight desperately needed. We did not see much of each other face to face due to work schedules and because of the other things above. Im just hurting so bad and I dont want him to throw away something so great. I am sure he will further regain the trust and love he had for you. I know thats what your emotions are telling you to do, but its not right. Just because someone is depressed, has anxiety, or [insert mental illness here], doesn't mean you should write them off. So if your boyfriend broke up with you because of depression, dont immediately assume that his only issue is his mental health. This protective effect disappeared if an adoptive parent had major depression or if the adoptive home experienced parental death or divorce during childhood/adolescence. It breaks my heart. And he said "yes..i know it's confusing". He suffers from depression, and I believe to also be bipolar. My (ex)boyfriend has told me he was depressed before we met and he has had dark thoughts ever since he was about 10 years old. Besides getting professional help, as a partner and more than that as a friend, you should be supportive and kind to him. Depression makes a person feel numb. There is a lot on Quora about why does my DP push me away? too. But when you are in one with depression, an important thing to do is understand and learn more about the condition. They can also feel empty, and lose pleasure in activities they used to love.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'psychreel_com-box-4','ezslot_4',126,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-box-4-0'); A person can get depressed for many reasons. The only way through this is to be honest with him about how you feel without attributing blame. For example, he was friends with a childhood bully of mine who really tortured me and he just couldnt seem to understand why that hurt me. You have no idea when (if ever) the pain will stop. It can come from little white lies to more serious matters. Then the next day he messaged me saying he thinks he needs to go back to counselling and didnt know what was wrong. My Depressed Boyfriend Broke Up With Me And Feels He Needs To Be Alonehow Do I Show Him That We Can Be Together? he has a history of depression and grew up without a mother; he has 2 kids from a previous marriage in another country very difficult situation but the love we felt for each other was intense. If his view of you changed, he might not as hell date other people. Everything in our relashionship went well, as usual, until when she started her 2nd year of college in September 2020. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Manage Settings I dont want to lose him forever, I love him so much and I just wish I could help him :((((( please help if you can. Ever since that day we moved on to being in couple, every single day, every single moments were the happiest and the best of my life, of our life. Her 5 roomates that shares the house werent there at all, and due to covid some of them had to cancel the lease, so she ended up paying more bills than she planned before moving. So stay in no contact, get therapy, and do your best to get over your ex. Thank you for sharing. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. Another thing that will help you cope is finding new hobbies and activities. I just want him to be happy and I wish I could help him. As a human, a good friend, a well wisher please help them rather than making them feel they are responsible for the breakup. Its been 3 days since we last talked and we have talked everyday for 4 years. Im going through the same situation. He even apologized for the relationship being one sided that he was sorry for neglecting me for 2 or 3 weeks and would do better. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. He feels smothered by you and thinks he should stop feeling smothered before he can work on himself. Does he miss me? Its something dumpers do to avoid dealing with a highly emotional situation. Before you engage in self-blame, though, you need to know that your ex-boyfriend left because he couldnt communicate his issues and work on his issues alone or with you. From the following article My depressed boyfriend broke up with me, you will gather information about the criticality and consequences of having a depressed partner. You might think about seeing a therapist yourself to work through this. The phase is so dark that he would end up accepting the fact that he has never loved you ever. Depression Depressed boyfriend broke up with me Follow Posted 4 years ago, 4 . You didnt agree to this. His unhappiness had been accumulating for days, weeks, or perhaps even longer. your partners mental health. Loads of people with mental health conditions are able to enjoy long lasting, fulfilling, happy relationships. If he wanted your pity and support, he would have expressed the desire to talk about the things he needed to stay in the relationship with you. So Im trying to focus on myself and it actually does motivate me to get myself stable again because if we do end up together again I want to make sure Im ready and confident and have my life together. I have been writing a journal on everything that happened from the day, how I felt and what my thoughts were in details. He would say he is stressed, not able to sleep. So lets discuss what are ways to cope with a breakup. Even though it may have its ups and downs, so do all relationships. This will make you feel connected and loved, as it will also give you a space to talk about your feelings and be supported. Her life was stressful everyday since then. Im just so confused as the best way to be with him if it is depression. I realised this was recent I experienced the same just a couple of weeks after you and knew exactly how you felt. 2023 Remedy Health Media, LLC ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. I did drop a letter off at his home when wasnt there. I have no desires to truly speak of, as nothing I do is rewarding or satisfying. This is exactly how anhedonia feels. He broke up with me. He is supporting his adult son. Depressed Boyfriend broke up with me. And I also deal with depression but have been getting help and I know how he feels in a way, but I know how to talk about feelings and when things bother me, he doesnt. Just good times when we were physically together. He said he wants to focus on himself and getting back on track. Hes just enjoying the space the breakup provided and is going to keep doing that until he stops feeling empowered by the breakup. The patient is trapped in a cycle of excessive worry about the past, present and future. Because they ran out of energy, they just take the blame and make it seem like their partners have nothing to do with their loss of feelings even though they know thats not the case. maybe we can talk privately? Hes the dumper no matter what hes dealing with. There were times he triggered my trauma too, but I was able to forgive him for it but he says he still hasnt forgiven me. Hes to sad to even text me back saying that seeing my name makes him feel so depressed and how unhappy he is. Feelings of self-doubt and depression go hand in hand. It often consists of unexpressed emotions that build up over time. Mentalhealthforum is another option. Ankylosing Spondylitis: Weve Got Your Back, Whats Next? But now he thinks it is unfair to me; that he is unhappy, therefore can not make me happy. They might start to push people away, as a way to not hurt others, and that is when they might break up with their partners. Ive seen this happen many times and its honestly very sad. My boyfriend is depressed and yesterday he broke up with me, he told me that he wasn't happy and he didn't have the time to give me the attention that I deserve. When friends abandon you: What to do next? Coming here and reading this article and all these comments, somehow makes me feel better. He didn't stay overnight or anything drasticbut it was a breaking point for him and he was prescribed new medication and sees a psychiatrist.